Abduction

There are some action movies out there that are instantly memorable for a lot of things, whether it is for its thrilling action sequences, its great storyline, its solid acting or whether it was just fun to watch. Abduction is a very memorable action movie…but for all of the wrong reasons. Taylor Lautner (Jacob Black from The Twilight Saga) leads the movie into what could only be described as a tedious, confusing story with bland, one-dimensional characters and action scenes that are pretty entertaining but laughable most of the time, especially some of the moves used in the fight scenes. The cast in Abduction wasn’t too bad but they were nowhere near good. Sigourney Weaver was decent in this movie but she wasn’t in the movie for very long, which is a shame considering she was the best actress of the whole cast.

So we look to Taylor Lautner to carry this movie. He isn’t too bad a bad actor in The Twilight Saga but unfortunately, he was so awful in Abduction, he looked bored and looked like he’d rather be at home. He constantly wore the same expression throughout the movie whether it was sad, happy or angry (funnily enough, the expression he wore throughout the movie is on the poster above). The writing was pretty much atrocious considering there were so many plot holes, boring dialogue and unexplainable moments and the emotional scenes in the movie were just laughably bad, especially the romance scenes. The only good thing to come out of this mess that is called Abduction is that a couple of the action scenes were entertaining but overall, it was pretty much a yawnfest.

Girls and Twilighters would probably see this for Taylor Lautner and yes girls, he does take his shirt off in the movie, but don’t waste your money and see this in the cinema. It’s not worth your money considering this movie wasn’t really well thought out at all. There were quite a few scenes in which characters would get themselves in a mess and miraculously, they would end up escaping the situation even though it would be impossible unless they had superhuman abilities. Overall, Abduction feels like one of those low-budget movies that are always shown on SyFy. There’s nothing wrong with trashy, entertaining movies sometimes but when they dress it up to pretend it’s something it’s not, that’s when the problems begin. This is a movie that’s best to catch on television!

3/10

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Paranormal Activity 3

So with Halloween coming up and with it being the first time in seven years that another SAW movie isn’t seen anywhere near a cinema, something had to fill SAW’s place and that movie was none other than Paranormal Activity 3. I don’t have anything against Paranormal Activity, I thought the first movie was good and had some well thought out scenes that scared the audience. Paranormal Activity 2, however, took it overboard and lost that sense of scariness that the first one possessed. Paranormal Activity 3 isn’t as bad as the second but it’s bad enough not to impress as literally nothing happens for a good hour. The movie goes back to the very start where we see Katie encounter the spirit that haunted her in the first movie for the first time when she was a child. For those who are after a jumpfest or a scarefest, look elsewhere because this is just a borefest for the best part. The movie is just over an hour and fifteen minutes long and, although there are a couple of jumpy moments, the movie kicks off way too late, leaving you with an hour of nothingness. The spirit, namely ‘Toby’, is not a very good spirit at all since he does nothing remotely scary like he did in the first. He does a couple of odd knocks and a couple of bumps in the night and then out of nowhere, he starts to throw furniture everywhere and goes berserk, which is great in my book since that is what we’ve come to see, only it happens fifteen or twenty minutes before the movie ends, leaving a whole hour of nothing but whingeing and a couple of the characters going “Woah, did you see that?” each day when reviewing the tapes.

Now that the bad and the ugly are out of the way, surely there must be some good to come out of this movie, right? Well, yeah, there’s no denying that Paranormal Activity 3 did have the creep factor, even if it was introduced way too late and sure, it made you jump a couple of times but it’s just not enough to spend your good, hard-earned money on. The acting was pretty realistic and the child actors were good playing their parts. The characters aren’t exactly the best characters around but they’re realistic enough. Unfortunately, the movie didn’t suck you in but it did entertain for all of the wrong reasons considering it was more funny than scary. The audience I saw it with felt the same way I did as they laughed too. Overall, Paranormal Activity 3 isn’t the weakest in the franchise, which goes to the second movie, but it is certainly pretty boring.

By rights, Paranormal Activity 3 shouldn’t really exist. It’s just totally sucked the mystery out of the whole spirit thing and the explanation as to how and why Toby haunts Katie is pretty weak. It had potential at the start when we saw the family take the photo that we see in the first two movies but the questions that were raised when watching the first two movies were not answered in this one. I’d have rather lived in bliss and thought of my own conclusion rather than have seen this movie because this prequel has spoiled the story a little bit. Although there are some good points about the movie, it’s still mundane and there’s just little to no surprise in it. If, like me, you saw the second trailer where she throws water over the ghost and you see the mom get pushed backwards, don’t expect them to be shown in this movie because 75% of that trailer was nowhere to be seen in this movie. All I know is that if there is plans for a Paranormal Activity 4, said plans should be shot down and should be set on fire. This reviewer will not be paying to see the fourth one any time soon.

3/10

Shark Night

Director: David R. Ellis
Writer: Will Hayes/Jesse Studenburg
Producers: Chris Briggs/Mike Fleiss/Lynette Howell
Starring: Sara Paxton/Dustin Milligan/Chris Carmack/Katharine McPhee/Donal Logue/Joshua Leonard/Joel David Moore
Year: 2011
Country: US
BBFC Certification: 15
Duration: 91 minutes

Have you ever seen a trailer and instantly knew about the movie in seconds and what it would be like? Well, Shark Night is one of those movies and it’s not looking good. If you were thinking that it’d be a dark horror comedy with a B-movie feel to it like Snakes on a Plane, you’d be wrong. If you were thinking that it could be like the surprisingly entertaining Pirahna, you’d be wrong. If you were thinking that it would be crap, bingo, we have a winner. Shark Night is utter trash and not in the “I expect it to be utter trash anyway but it’s just a bit of fun” way but in a “Wow, this bores me to tears” way. The first twenty minutes wasn’t too bad but then it started going downhill to the point where you were almost convinced it was made for people who have trouble sleeping. The acting was just poor. At first, you think that it’s supposed to be bad because it’s supposed to have that low-budget B movie feel to it but the movie really took itself seriously and so did the actors. The characters were very stereotypical and one dimensional to the point where you rolled your eyes and wished the movie never existed.

Shark Night felt like nothing more than a cheap excuse to make a 3D movie and it’s quite a travesty how there wasn’t really much thought put into this movie. It just felt lazy and wasn’t fun at all, just dumb. Considering this is from the very same person who directed Snakes on a Plane, you would have thought that it would have been, at least, a little fun. Instead, what we get is a shallow, soulless, heartless movie that manages to only grab one emotion from the audience: Surprise and that’s because it’s a massive surprise how this qualifies for a movie and how this is even released in the cinema. It strongly reminds you of those movies you get from Poundland or one of those low-budget movies that you see aired on SyFy only it’s just not fun at all. Overall, if you’re a horror fan, you’ll be disappointed. This movie is so many things and none of them are remotely positive.

Terrible from start to finish, Shark Night is emotionless and has virtually no plot or storyline whatsoever and whatever little plot it has is both strange and confusing at the same time. The story is just utterly ridiculous and the characters are just as bad, riddled with plot holes, cliches and stereotypical scenes, Shark Night proves to be even worse than the previously reviewed Final Destination 5. To audiences everywhere, do not pay your hard-earned money to watch this tripe, you’re worth more than to put yourself through this heap of junk.

1/10

Final Destination 5

Director: Steven Quale
Writer: Eric Heisserer
Producers: Craig Perry/Warren Zide
Starring: Nicholas D’Agosto/Emma Bell/Miles Fisher/Arlen Escarpeta/Tony Todd
Year: 2011
Country: US
BBFC Certification: 15
Duration: 92 minutes

So many movies have been released with unnecessary sequels, most of which are horror movies. Just look at Friday the 13th, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween and Hellraiser. Although some people may class SAW as having unnecessary sequels, at least those movies did add something to the main storyline with each sequel. Unfortunately, with Final Destination 5, you know that that is not going to be the case considering none of the Final Destination movies actually add anything to the series as the movies are exactly the same as each other to the last detail. The only thing that is different are the different characters but everything else is the same. Although with seeing Final Destination 5, you know that you’re not going for it’s frightening storyline or it’s compelling characters but you are going to see them get killed in very gruesome ways. The story is absolutely tired, tedious and very repetitive and, as I stated earlier, adds absolutely nothing to the story. If you’re watching this for the story, watch any one of the sequels before this one considering they’re all the same. It’s unfair to call this a sequel considering they’re all the same but it would be more fair to call it a remake and they really should leave this series alone considering it’s had so many of them.

With Final Destination 5, the characters are very stereotypical and one-dimensional but nobody really cares about that anyway since they only care about the deaths that are coming their way. It’s very hard to even care about the characters considering they have no likeability whatsoever. The thing that the other Final Destinations has that this doesn’t is fun. All of the other Final Destination remakes-I mean-sequels had a bit of fun but this was just boring and predictable. Overall, the script and the story felt way too rushed and bowed out in favour for the blood, guts and gore but then again, isn’t that what this series has turned to now since there’s nothing new to add?

I know what you’re all probably thinking when you’re reading this: “If he knew what the Final Destination movies were like, why did he watch them?” and my answer to that question is because normally with the Final Destination movies, even if everything in the movie sucked, it was still fun to watch. Sort of like a really bad B movie that you know is terrible but you have fun watching it for it’s cheesiness. However, with Final Destination 5, it wasn’t even entertaining. It’s too much of a repeat of the others and, to be honest, should never have even been released. I also find it quite scary how this is rated a 15 considering the violence in the movie is that on a level of the SAW movies. I warn everybody everywhere to not pay your hard-earned money to watch this in the cinema and to wait until this is aired on television because the 3D isn’t even that spectacular and the movie itself is just poor, a total waste of money!

2/10

The Inbetweeners Movie

Director: Ben Palmer
Writer: Damon Beesley/Iain Morris
Producers: Christopher Young
Starring: Simon Bird/Joe Thomas/James Buckley/Blake Harrison/Emily Head
Year: 2011
Country: UK
BBFC Certification: 15
Duration: 97 minutes

For The Inbetweeners Movie to work, it had to be everything the show was and a whole lot more. It had to be twice as rude, twice as dirty, twice as embarrassing and twice as funny and the most important thing that was needed for this movie to work is that it had to keep the charm of the show. Well, fans of The Inbetweeners will be pleased to hear that the writers have succeeded in making this just as good as the show, if not, better. After Simon is dumped by Carli, Jay, Will and Neil decide to cheer him up by going on a lads’ holiday to Malia where they get drunk, get into trouble and fall in love with hilarious results. The brilliant thing about The Inbetweeners Movie is that it doesn’t feel like a movie but more like a feature-length episode. Jay, Neil, Simon and Will are exactly the same in the movie as they are in the television series but a lot more gross, a lot more funnier and a lot more embarrassing. All of them manage to play their own role in the movie as pairs; Neil and Jay provide the laughs and Simon and Will provide the embarrassing scenes that make the audience cringe in their seats and it works brilliantly.

With The Inbetweeners Movie, the acting was on par with the show and in the show, the acting was great. Not a lot of changes were made with The Inbetweeners Movie from the show which is what made this movie work like a charm. The movie unexpectedly has a lot of character development and some nice messages in which we see Neil, Jay, Simon and Will learn throughout the movie. The writers, Damon Beesley and Iain Morris, the writers of The Inbetweeners Movie and the show do a fantastic job in keeping the charm of the show in the movie as well as making it everything the show is and more. Overall, fans of The Inbetweeners will adore the movie and will find it hilarious and those who like teen comedies will love to see this too. If you want to go on a lad’s holiday on a budget, just watch The Inbetweeners Movie.

At first, I must admit that I was a little worried because of the movie recieving a certificate 15. No, not because of my age, I’m older than 18 but because the show is rated an 18 and yet the movie was rated a 15, making me worry that the writers of the show toned the movie down from it’s usual rudeness and endless sex jokes. However, it was, in fact, even more dirtier and funnier than the show. People seem to compare this to Kevin and Perry Go Large, probably because it’s a British teen comedy which sees teenagers going abroad for sun, sea, sex and booze, but Kevin and Perry Go Large this isn’t, The Inbetweeners Movie is much better. Okay, maybe it has been done before a few times but, believe it or not, among the gross-out humour, the awkward scenes and the vagina-filled jokes from Jay, this movie did have some heart and it’s that mixture of heart and comedy in the movie that makes this one of the best movies of the Summer and one not to miss.

9/10