House of the Dead

house_of_the_dead_ver2Director: Uwe Boll 
Writers: Mark A. Altman/Dan Bates 
Producers: Uwe Boll/Wolfgang Herold
Starring: Jonathan Cherry/Tyron Leitso/Clint Howard/Ona Grauer
Year: 2003
Country: US
BBFC Certification: 15
Duration: 90 minutes

A band of college co-eds want to spend the weekend partying at the rave of the year which takes place on an remote island near Seattle, Isla del Muerte. Centuries before the island had been home to a priest banished from Spain for creating a death-cheating serum. To their horror, the students find the priest is still alive and using the living to harvest body parts to sustain himself. When they arrive at the scene, hordes of the undead have already killed most of the guests. Trapped on an island taken over by blood-feasting zombies, the students seek refuge in a mysterious ancient house where they must use every weapon at their disposal to survive the night as killer undead creatures stalk them inside the House of the Dead. I have to start off the review by saying this is just plain awful, it’s just so bad on every level. The story has absolutely nothing in common with the game except for the fact that there are zombies. The only reason you know it’s a video game adaptation of House of the Dead because they annoyingly use gameplay clips of the games too much. The characters were just stupid and had absolutely no personality even though the movie tries to force-feed their personalities to you at the start of the movie. The acting was just diabolical, I’ve seen much better acting with kids pulling a sickie to try and get the day off school. The directing is just absolutely dire and the writing is terrible.

This is possibly one of the worst zombie movies I have ever seen. Even the action scenes were unappealing and too Matrix-y. I also hated the fact that all of the characters suddenly knew how to fight, every single one of them were pulling off kung-fu moves here, there and everywhere and they suddenly learned how to fire a gun and reload fast and how to use a sword. If you thought the voice-over guy in the trailer was bad, it has nothing on the dialogue. The dialogue, the script and the direction was a total nonsense. The acting was just horrible from start to finish, it felt like a terrible no-budget horror movie that you bought from Poundland. It’s just rubbish. It was boring, it didn’t bring nothing new or special to the table, it didn’t follow the game at all…an utter waste of my time.

The most irritating thing about the movie was the fact that it was meant to be a video game adaptation and yet it didn’t follow the games at all, not even the characters were named after them. The only way you knew that it was House of the Dead and not something else was the constant, annoying gameplay footage being shown through the game whenever a zombie was nearby or when an action scene was coming up. I really can’t see anybody liking this whatsoever. If you like absolutely terrible, cheesy horror movies then you might like this but even then, you might hate it. I’ve seen better, MUCH better. After watching this movie, I feel like the zombies in the movie! If you’re a fan of the games, DO NOT WATCH!!!



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